Country jokes

[Stef]

Most of the time the « Nazi » insults against German and jokes about Nazis come from old people that leaved the WWII and certainly suffered during this period. I remember when I was 10, some old persons in my village taught us to shout “Heil Hitler” to the German visitors, tourists, etc. “you’ll see they’ll love that!” After the visitors complained to our teacher and our parents, after we got slapped and had a few explanations about the war and the present time we found it was not so funny
Now some guys from my village leave in Germany with a German wife and have German kids.
If we had to remember only the bad things against all the people in Europe with whom we had some wars during the last centuries, we would talk to nobody (except Monaco maybe)!
Well,
The Dutch and their camping trailer! Sure we see them, it’s impossible to miss them on the North-South highway between June and September but there are no specific jokes about them, the people living on the South Coast only laugh when they see them getting hot red after their first day of the year under the sun

Last but not least the Americans!!
In fact, the basic American in an French joke is Texan: show him anything, he’s always got the same thing at home but BIGGER!
Wait, I’m trying to remember an example (I always forgot the jokes!)…

[kman]

Here's an old joke I remember from back when I was a kid:

An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says "We're having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump, at least one of you can survive"

The four open the door and look out below. The Englishman takes a deep breath and hollers "God Save The Queen" and jumps.

The Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers "Viva La France" and he also jumps.

This really pumps up the Texan so he hollers "Remember the Alamo" and he grabs the Mexican and throws him out of the plane.

(The Battle of the Alamo was a 19th-century battle between the Republic of Mexico and the rebel Texian forces, including both Anglos (ethnic Europeans) and Tejanos (ethnic Mexicans in Texas), during the Texians' fight for independence — the Texas Revolution. It took place at the Alamo Mission in San Antonio, Texas (then known as "San Antonio de Béxar") in February and March 1836. The 13-day siege started Tuesday, February 23, and ended on Sunday, March 6, with the capture of the mission and the death of nearly all the Texian and Tejano defenders, except for a few slaves, women and children. Despite the win, the 13-day holdout stalled the Mexican Army's progress and allowed Sam Houston to gather troops and supplies for his later success at the Battle of San Jacinto. The Texian revolutionaries went on to win the war. --from the wikipedia)

Here's another one:

A Californian, a Texan, and a New Yorker, attending a convention in a little town just outside Las Vegas, were standing in a bar enjoying a few drinks.

The Californian grabbed his wine spritzer, knocked it back in one gulp, then he threw the glass against the back wall, smashing it to pieces. He told the other startled drinkers that the standard of living was so high in California that they never drank out of the same glass twice.

Next the New Yorker finished drinking his Manhattan, and threw his glass against the back wall. He loudly proclaimed that in New York not only were they all are rich from banking and imports, he too never drank out of the same glass twice.

Next the Texan drank his beer, drew a revolver, and shot the Californian and the New Yorker. As he was returning the gun to his holster, he told the wide-eyed bartender that in Texas they had so many New Yorkers and Californians that they never had to drink with the same ones twice.

[housil]

(...)
Last but not least the Americans!!
In fact, the basic American in an French joke is Texan: show him anything, he’s always got the same thing at home but BIGGER!
Wait, I’m trying to remember an example (I always forgot the jokes!)…

An American Farmer tells an European one, that his farm is this big, it takes a whole day to drive from one border to the other.
The European answers: "I had such a slow car too..."

American beer is the successful attempt to dilute water

A M E R I C A:
You have:
Bill Clinton
Stevie Wonder
Bob Hope
Jonny Cash

G E R M A N Y:
We have:
Angela Merkel
No Wonder
No Hope
No Cash

Three engineers, one from America, one from France and one from Israel meat and try to impress each other.
Say the American: "Do you know the Golden Gate Bridge? My father build it!
Now the French: "Do you know the Eiffel Tower? My father build it."
The Israeli: "Do you know the Dead Sea? My father killed it..."

[C-rats]

You killed me with that last one housil!


`rats

[DangerousDave]

Heres a Southern American joke.
Farmer goes to a local lawyer, and states "I want a da-vorce".
Lawyer replies "do you have grounds"?
Farmer says, "yea're, I got over 100 acres".
Lawyer replies, "well, umm do you have a grudge?"
Farmer says, Hell yea I got a grudge, I keep my John Deer tractor in my grudge!
Lawyer replies, Umm, well, I'm not clear what you want. Is you're wife a nagger?
Farmer replies "No my wife ain't no nagger, but the last baby she had was a nagger, and thats why I want a da-vorce"!